Perfect Timing

A few good men is one of my favorite movies, I like it for its courtroom drama, for the whole dramatic background music, for Tom Cruise and Jack Nicholson, for Demi Moore, and for all the memories I have of watching this movie with my brother. I have realized over time that it is the memories associated with movies that make them special. I have seen absurd movies with my cousins or friends and I can remember having my best time at.

Anyhow, last night this movie was coming on television and I decided to watch it. I finished all my errands and couched on the bed to watch. My daughter was busy with her toys or her grandparents, she realized that her mumma was busy and like my sweet little angel that she is, she let me be. And the movie progressed, the drama unfolding, Code red, Fendrick, Jessep, Downey, Dawson, Kaffe, everyone trying to prove their point. I was totally engrossed in the movie. And the climax came, as Kaffe called in for Col. Jessep, call it a co-incidence my daughter opened the door to my room and entered. I looked at her for a second, and got back to my movie. As Jessep approached his seat, my daughter approached me. That’s when Captain Ross called for Jessep’s rights, and my daughter made me aware of her rights. “Mummy, I Pooped”, she said. I looked at her disbelievingly. And that’s when Kaffe said “Is it funny, Sir”. This could not be happening, not now, not to me. I urged her to finish the pooping errand and I would clean her up. She insisted that she has already finished and needed to be cleaned.

I tried to convince her to wait for two more minutes, I mean what harm could come out of it. I could not concentrate on the movie a bit, my daughter started shouting on top of her lungs, and there Kaffe was shouting, “Could they ignore your order”. Here my own daughter was ignoring my order. And the stench from the poop spread in the room. There was no more I could wait. And that’s when Jessep said “Ever put your life in another man’s hands and asked him to put his life in yours?” I nodded and thought I just did. I rushed her to the washroom in an attempt to wash her quickly so I could still catch the end of the movie. I could hear Kaffe and Jessep shouting in the washroom as I cleaned my daughter put her on the changing board to change her clothes.

By the time I got free and carried my daughter Jessep was being arrested for ordering a code red. I wanted at that time to order a code red on the toddler in my arms but alas I smiled at her as she said “Mummy, cat poem’. I took her to my bed, switched off the television as Dawson and Downey discussed their future, hummed the cat poem to my daughter and slept.

So last night I made some new memories with the movie, earlier when we were younger my brother used to be Jessep and me Kaffe, and all along the movie we would mute it and say the dialogues. I remembered those days, recounted what happened today and just smiled. Life does change after being a mother.

Spare Me the Questions and Suggestions :)

This one is from earlier times, when I had become a new mommy, a first at it, I had no clue about raising a little life I had brought into the world, I read a lot during the nine months of my pregnancy and even the postpartum period about raising a little baby. There were highs and there were lows but at the end of it I strode through it, happily and successfully, or so I Believe. There were many annoying things that occurred at that time, it was as if I was suffering from Bi polar disorder, extremely high and low points came and went. And amongst all odds I was surviving. But one thing that annoyed me the most, were suggestions and questions from near and dear ones, I know they meant good, but GOD they were irritating. There were times when I just wanted to put earplugs in my ears, push myself against the pillow and sleep. The list is endless but there were a few which stood apart, the ones that made me want to stand up scream and leave.

O.K. so you have just let out a marvel out of your body and for all you know, the whole pampering and attention you got for the nine months while you were pregnant has now shifted to the little one. You are like a walking Zoombie in the house, not enough sleep, and endless cycles of feeding and nappy changing. And a guest arrives to congratulate you in the middle of the afternoon. First of all Mr/Miss this is the most incongruous time to arrive at my house, I was just going to take a nap as my baby has fallen asleep for a change, but since you have arrived I will be a good host and entertain you. But hello ten minutes into the conversation and what have you asked me, “What’s with the dark circles, are you not getting enough sleep”.  Arggghh what do you think I gave birth to a baby or a sleeping beauty or a medical marvel for God’s sake? Don’t you know babies don’t sleep for a few months, their schedules are erratic? And this mostly came from women who themselves have adolescents. Jesus I am sure they have forgotten what their times were like. GO ahead have a baby again and I would want to see your dark circles free eyes!!

And again I am outside shopping for groceries and other goods; I am making my way through the various alleys, pushing the pram of my child with one hand and cart from another, and suddenly my baby wails. OMG I am almost into tears trying to figure out what is wrong, is she hungry, wet, bored, what?? I am still trying to figure out what is wrong with her when suddenly I have a swamp of women crowding around me, cursing me for my incompetency to handle my own child, shooting suggestions, she must be hungry, or wet, or wants to be held, or probably irritated by all the light, sound.. Blah, Blah, Blah! Hellooooo I am trying to figure out that only, give me peace I will be able to handle it. Just Go…..

And you have people coming up to you at home, asking “How may I help”? Help me in any way you like, get me cup a hot coffee, make good food to me, bring me books, do my shopping, anything which you think is worth doing, just do it. Don’t ask me, please Do It! I will absolutely welcome surprises.

So finally now my baby is a little grown up, and I have finally become acclimatized to her schedule, I am trying to enjoy my little free time. Her nap schedule has finally fallen into place. But Oopppps I get a phone call, “We are coming over to visit the baby, keep her awake”, or “Come over for dinner or a late night party, this Saturday”. It is rude saying NO to invitations. But I am simply not in the mood, not right now. Please excuse me, I want to be alone for some time. But how many times can you do that, because people just don’t take the clue. I will come back to my social life again, but give me time. “Oh you have become so boring after the baby, other mothers manage”. I am not like other mothers, I want to adjust and enjoy at my own pace. Is it too much to ask?? So just let me be, I will come out of my shell when I want to.

It has been a year finally; you have celebrated the baby’s first birthday, and finally emerged a winner mother through all odds. And here come the most deadliest question especially by the old aunties that will shred you to bits, and I dread even typing it, “When are you having a SECOND ONE”. Like really, did you just ask me that, It might sound tempting to have another one to cuddle but finally life has come to track slowly and steadily, I can’t derail it again, not right now, not until both my husband and I and for that matter even my daughter are ready. We will wait. I will not deprive my daughter of the love of a sibling. But only when I think it is the right time. You say this and have all the oldies gaping at you astounded, as if you just told them their drink had poison mixedJ.

And then there are times, when now my daughter is almost one and a half years old, and women planning a baby or already pregnant ask me, is motherhood worth it, and all I can say is Yes, Absolutely. It is worth all the sleepless nights and smelly poop, all the wailing at night, to have no life of our own. It is awesome to worry all the time, looking forward to watch her grow, plan for her. Yes you miss a lot in life once you have your baby, life is never the same whatever people may say, but it is the most beautiful feeling, watching your little one sleep, talk, kiss, hug, read. Nothing can replace this magical feeling. But Please don’t ask me the questions mentioned above, Please Spare me the Horror!!

 

 

I Would Be Labelled the WITCH in the Family!!

We all know how motherhood makes you a better person, more patient, more accepting, more forgiving, more organised, alright the list is endless. But lest I knew I would have another suffix added to my name; “Shivangi the WITCH”, I know it sounds harsh, Not that anybody calls me by this name, but I am sure this is what is going in their heads. The “THEIR” here represents my In-Laws and the extended family on my husbands’ side. And I have been the Bitchy Daughter-in-Law from time imponderable. And ever since I had my baby, my “not so popular attributes” have only amplified.

To understand this you need to understand the framework of my family a bit, I live in New Delhi, in one of posh localities of the city in a Joint Family, yes you got it right “In a Joint Arrangement”. And I am not a very family orientated person, I am a very ME person indeed. So the arrangement includes a set of In-laws, And my husband’s brother and his wife. There are also other members of extended family but they are still a bit far, and by bit I mean only a BIT ;). So we are a close knit family, or so my Mother in law likes to believe. I have tried many a time to burst her bubble of togetherness, but I fail, and she triumphs. Alas!

OK so coming to how I became WITCH, the one sad part of my story is that my sister in-law does not have a baby yet, she has been trying, but with no success. Coupled with a two miscarriages, her life has been rough. And she is the favorite daughter in law in the family. Not that I envy her I am more than happy that she is too friendly since that takes load off my chest to make everyone happy. But after I had my lil munchkin things changed. I had always decided that my sister in-law could spend as much time with my lil one as she wanted because I could always feel her pain. And things were going great. I was OK with all the attention that my lil one was getting, she being the first of her generation in our household.

But I realized after some months that I was losing control, my baby was rarely with me, I was losing my time with her. And it was becoming difficult for me. I wanted to raise my child the way I wanted to, make a schedule for her, her nap-times, her eating habits, her story book time, lullaby time. I wanted to organize her life a bit at least to my liking. And I was failing terribly, and this was distressing. There were times when I used to get her to her nursery, and in five minutes someone would come to take her. Times when it was time for her dinner but she was with her uncle and aunts eating absolutely rubbish stuff, or her story time but someone would call out her name and she would get distracted. The significance of time in a little toddler’s life was insignificant. I had to go about asking where my lil doll is to be able to spend time with her. So do you understand my dilemma a bit??? I am not over agonizing, but I just wanted to spend time with her alone, or with my husband, or just make her sleep my way, on my time. I wanted her to bloom in a flower from a bud to my liking. You plan so many things when you get to know you are having a baby, and you want to do them all when you have the little bundle of joy.

So to bring an end to my agony I started speaking out firmly that I wanted my child with me for sometime, started making fixed schedules for her. I accept I came out blunt many a time, ruder than I intended to, but I was losing it big time. And that’s how I became the WITCH. I ended up upsetting many people, in the process, and of course they were not fools, they understood the change in my attitude. But I believe I did the right thing, I had to. I might turn out seriously like a witch here, but one has to be in my shoes to understand it. Also I would like to say here that I am blessed to have a family like them. They have been good to me, but giving space is necessary. I understand that my daughter is the apple of everyone’s eye, but she is the apple of my orchard and I want it this way!

I might have been wrong in certain things, or wrong in putting up certain things, but it felt like the most sane thing to do, Like all the motherhood books preach “Trust your motherly instincts”, I did just that and have no regrets whatsoever. WITCH or Not I am Angel to my daughter, every time she cringes in anyone’s arm crying mumma, my heart swells with Happiness. Pure Bliss.